I Think I Can, I Think I Can: Doubting Myself
Doing My Best Not to Back Out of My Decision
I have a really bad habit of quitting. I quit track three times, I quit things that I don't see an immediate outcome, and I quit whenever I think that I can't do it. Doubt is my number one cause of quitting. But this time, I really cannot quit my dream. I mean it's my dream! No one should quit dreaming their dream, especially when it is right there in front of them, when it is so attainable. But alas I am beginning to get that feeling of doubt and it is not helping my mentality for moving to Europe. I am starting to get really nervous about my decision to move to Europe. Part of it is financial and part of it is my fear of living alone in a country that I don't know.My Doubts
- That I won't be able to afford everything that I want to do
- That I am in over my head
- That I won't learn Italian as well as I thought (should I live in Italy)
- That I should be going to another country
- That I am going to fail
- That I should just take a year and travel around instead of living in one city
- That I will miss out on things at home
- That I will be to home sick
- That I won't make friends
- That I won't find a job or a place to live
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| Conquering my Fears on Some Rocks in Cinque Terre, Italy |
Rebuttals to my Doubts
A family friend once told me if you doubt then don't do it. So far this has been a great piece of advice but I don't think that it applies in this case. In order for this to work, I am going to have to let go of my doubts and just go.
That I won't be able to afford everything that I want to do
This is how my mind works: I am always thinking about how I can save money. Now after everything that I have tried to save, I am worried that it won't be enough to do everything. I originally thought that every weekend I would take a trip, now I am looking at just affording living in a city. But I need to remember that going there and seeing some things is better than not going there at all.
That I am in over my head
I have had it easy. I have never had to pay rent or any other major bills and I have never been away from home. I have a feeling that I am going to have a big shock once I have to do all this in a foreign country. But I was the baby that learned to crawl backwards before I learned how to crawl forwards so it is just something that I am going to have to deal with eventually.
That I won't learn Italian as well as I thought or the my French is not good enough
This shouldn't be an excuse. I should just put in more time and more effort. I might sound like a five year old but as long as they understand me and I understand them then I will consider my speaking a success.
That I should be going to another country
Both Italy and France are somewhat within my comfort zone. But after having spent almost my entire life living in the United States, I still will get an eye-opening experience in either country.
That I am going to fail
This is one of the scariest things in life. I am extremely competitive and always love winning, but now I need to take a chance. I need to take a leap of faith and just get over it.
That I should just take a year and travel around instead of living in one city
This idea sounds so appealing to me, but either way, I need money, so I may as well choose the one where I have a higher potential of making money. And who knows, maybe I will be able take a few months after and travel too.
That I will miss out on things at home
My family is the most important thing in my life, so not being at family events really scares me. But I know that if I don't do this, I will always be thinking of all the things that I missed out on.
That I will be to home sick
I am just going to have to deal with this one. Everyone goes through this at some point in their life. If I want this to happen, it is just one more thing that comes with the package.
That I won't make friends
It's like high school and college all over again, but yet somehow I managed to survive both of those and come out with some of the best friends I could ever ask for. So yes a language barrier might be hard to get over if I end up in Italy but I've done it so many times, I can do it again.
That I won't find a job or a place to live
Yes this is the true question here, will I find a job and an apartment? If not then I am going to have to answer some hard questions, such as does it matter what kind of work? No. Can you live with roommates? Hmmm good question. I did it in college but we all spoke the same language. The introvert in me knows that I will need some time away from the constant language barrier and cultural barrier in order to regroup, but I should not let my fear of living with complete strangers stop me from going. I will just consider this a last resort.
Well that was some nice therapy there. Voicing my concerns and then having myself let go and say that those concerns are not a good enough reason for me not to go. Thanks internet for letting me vent and regroup!
That I won't be able to afford everything that I want to do
This is how my mind works: I am always thinking about how I can save money. Now after everything that I have tried to save, I am worried that it won't be enough to do everything. I originally thought that every weekend I would take a trip, now I am looking at just affording living in a city. But I need to remember that going there and seeing some things is better than not going there at all.
That I am in over my head
I have had it easy. I have never had to pay rent or any other major bills and I have never been away from home. I have a feeling that I am going to have a big shock once I have to do all this in a foreign country. But I was the baby that learned to crawl backwards before I learned how to crawl forwards so it is just something that I am going to have to deal with eventually.
That I won't learn Italian as well as I thought or the my French is not good enough
This shouldn't be an excuse. I should just put in more time and more effort. I might sound like a five year old but as long as they understand me and I understand them then I will consider my speaking a success.
That I should be going to another country
Both Italy and France are somewhat within my comfort zone. But after having spent almost my entire life living in the United States, I still will get an eye-opening experience in either country.
That I am going to fail
This is one of the scariest things in life. I am extremely competitive and always love winning, but now I need to take a chance. I need to take a leap of faith and just get over it.
That I should just take a year and travel around instead of living in one city
This idea sounds so appealing to me, but either way, I need money, so I may as well choose the one where I have a higher potential of making money. And who knows, maybe I will be able take a few months after and travel too.
That I will miss out on things at home
My family is the most important thing in my life, so not being at family events really scares me. But I know that if I don't do this, I will always be thinking of all the things that I missed out on.
That I will be to home sick
I am just going to have to deal with this one. Everyone goes through this at some point in their life. If I want this to happen, it is just one more thing that comes with the package.
That I won't make friends
It's like high school and college all over again, but yet somehow I managed to survive both of those and come out with some of the best friends I could ever ask for. So yes a language barrier might be hard to get over if I end up in Italy but I've done it so many times, I can do it again.
That I won't find a job or a place to live
Yes this is the true question here, will I find a job and an apartment? If not then I am going to have to answer some hard questions, such as does it matter what kind of work? No. Can you live with roommates? Hmmm good question. I did it in college but we all spoke the same language. The introvert in me knows that I will need some time away from the constant language barrier and cultural barrier in order to regroup, but I should not let my fear of living with complete strangers stop me from going. I will just consider this a last resort.
Well that was some nice therapy there. Voicing my concerns and then having myself let go and say that those concerns are not a good enough reason for me not to go. Thanks internet for letting me vent and regroup!
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