Learning to be Me
Being Me and Being Happy
This year has been great for my ego. I'm finally happy with who I am and I'm not afraid to show who I am. Flaws and all, I believe that as long as I try to be a good person and don't hurt others, I don't need to bring myself down. I don't know if it's my year abroad that brought it on or that I'm finally growing up, but I'm happy with who I am.Now before reading too much into this, let me clear the air. It's not like I was ever repressed, that I was forced to choose a certain lifestyle over another. I have very supportive parents. It's not often that parents willingly let you travel the Europe for a year and help you do it. My problem was, and still is, that I'm a people pleaser. I would gage how I would act according to the people I was with to make them happy. And I'm starting to see how that fed into my social anxiety since I didn't know how to please strangers.
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| Unfortunately for others, sometimes me being me is not the prettiest, but thank goodness I surround myself with people who just awkwardly laugh it off...from a distance |
Today I'm learning who I am and don't change myself around different people. The Mimi you see today is the real Mimi. I don't know if I came to realize this through my age or because I decided to live my dreams this year. I'm sarcastic and sassy, but no witty. I like rock music and tattoos but I also like history and impressionism. I love movies and could spend days watching them. But I also like nature, just not on me. I'm a feminist and kind of a socialist when it comes to health care and state services. I don't think I'm that smart but I know that I can learn. I have an uncontrollable problem with road rage whether I'm driving, a passenger, or a pedestrian. I'm a complainer but I've learned to check my privilege. I stutter and I don't read so good, but if you can't fix it then deal with it, right? I'm not always patient but I try to be understanding. I don't know what to do with my life but I do know that I squirm anytime I think about teaching in the near future. I still want to make my family happy but I know that being me and being a good person is what makes me (and them) happy. I've stopped caring what others think of me. If they like me, cool, another friend. If they don't, it won't bring me down. I've decided to take the Scandinavian approach to happiness. I'm not about to think that I'm awesome, but I'm not about to hate on myself either. I'm like goldilocks, just right. So I guess this was a good year for me. And for someone who was always worried about doing better, being too awkward, and never sure how to navigate life, this new mindset is very liberating.
