Do's and Don'ts: Nasties on the Metro

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Don't Don't Don't With the Nasty Metro Habits 

This is a special post about the layers of yuck on the metro. And I must warn you now that this is not for the weak of stomach (aka Mom). I am going to talk about all the nasty things that I have seen on the metro so far. They can be funny, but this post is all about potty humor. Sorry!

Don't 

Don't put your feet up on the seat. Actually no one does this in the metro except foreigners and everyone gives them a dirty look when they do. It is socially NOT acceptable to do that. Ok so maybe not gross, but people really disapprove.

Dear God please don't 

Do not sneeze or cough into your hands and then hold onto the pole or press the open button. Almost everyone coughs or sneezes at some time but do it into your arm. And absolutely do not touch the thing everyone else is touching. Germs to yourself please! But if you want to clear some space around you, then go right ahead.

Don't

Please don't talk about how you had the stomach flu while we are all packed in like sardines. Haha good joke, but you're basically touching me, I really hope you didn't have it, or currently have it, because that would be very shitty.

With so much yuck I had to counteract with some beauty on the Pont Alexandre

Please Don't

Don't start gagging when you smell parts of the metro. Some parts just smell so gross. But don't start gagging because it makes people think you're about to throw up, and that's just as sickening as the metro smelling like spoiled milk in between some stations. And for some reason it smells even worse when it's colder. Good thing I have to go through that station every day!

Oh No No No!

Do not sniff your armpits, gag then spray on a ton of perfume. That is something that you should do before you leave the house. Or at least try to do it discretely. But part of me just cringes knowing that you're taking a big whiff of your armpits.

Oh dear God please don't!

Do not blow your nose in your scarf or any other clothing item. Please use a tissue. I understand desperate times call for desperate measures, but this is the quickest way to clear a train car. We were all plastered against the windows until we reached the next station and switched cars. And absolutely do NOT blow your noes into your own hands. Thankfully this didn't happen on the metro, but it did happen on an airplane. AND DON'T THROW IT ON THE GROUND!! That was the longest plane ride of my life!

But there are other things that you shouldn't do on the metro that aren't gross but drive everyone crazy. The escalators, for example, have an unspoken rule about a standing lane and a walking lane. If you want to make someone happy, move to the right into the standing lane. Also, old people always get priority. That means that they get to sit, even if you already have that seat. That also means that you cannot push past them without someone having a firm talk with you about your behavior. I'm not even lying, a kid nudged past an older man to make the metro before they left and someone stopped him and made him apologize to the old man and he missed his metro. Parisians get a bad reputation about being rude, but they value respect.

And I am sorry if I grossed anyone out. But if you do any of this in the metro, please stop! Unless you want to have the whole car to yourself, then go right ahead and please tell me how that experiment worked out!