My Crazy Travel Stories

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You all asked for it, and I'll deliver. That's right, this post is all about my crazy travel stories. Although I'm not quite sure what everyone meant by crazy travel stories. Did you want crazy embarrassing? Did you want crazy dangerous? Did you want crazy gross? Or did you want crazy what the heck just happened? Well if you were hoping for any of those I've got you've covered. And as I looked back on my memories, I was reminded at how lucky my I am that my crazy stories are not that crazy. I've never been in serious danger and I've never been in a situation that I can't get out of. But nevertheless, here are the stories that have stood out the most to me.

Funniest Travel Moments

The Ones With the Morning Trains - what was I thinking? An early morning train one day out of the week is manageable during a trip. But why the hell did I decide that four five back to back days of early morning trains were a good idea?? And not eight in the morning; no that would be too easy! I'm talking about six in the morning trains, meaning that we had to leave before five-thirty in many cases. In an effort to see as much as possible and make the most of our days we decided to take morning trains. So this made the crazy stories list because I must have been crazy to think this was a good idea, and even crazier to have managed to survive that beast of an itinerary! I’ve surely learned my lesson!

The One With the Tan Lines - you would think that logic would set in, yet I keep making this mistake: I always wear my cross body purse on the same side. Without fail, my purse is always in the same spot. Granted, it is very hard for someone to rob me. But that comes at a cost. A physical cost. After a month backpacking through Europe, I was treated to a nice line right across my chest. Thinking that I should even it out, I switched sides, making a big white X right on my chest! Naturally, every day spent in the humid sun I would get a tan, I just happened to forget about the terrible tan lines that would accompany that tan. And today as I write this, I am noticing the beginning of a new purse strap tan line. You would think that I've learned my lesson, but I haven't, I must be crazy! X marks the spot I guess!

The One With the Jet Lag - I used to beat jet lag so fast! I would sleep in so late and never have a problem. But with my age I am no longer immune to jet lag. In fact, I've become really bad at dealing with it. On my first winter trip in the Nordics, I made a terrible mistake. My flight landed at three in the afternoon. And after walking around the city, I decided to just sit down for a bit around seven at night. Well I accidentally fell asleep instead and woke up bright and early. Doesn't sound too bad, right? Wrong! I woke up at midnight after getting a restful five hours of sleep, ready to start my day. The only problem was that there was nothing to do to start that day. Needless to say for an entire week I was dealing with the consequences of that poor jet lag decision-making.

The One With the Jet Lag Part II - having learned my lesson from my wintertime debacle, I came prepared for my summer time jet lag. Landing around six in the evening, I insisted that we walked around, unpacked, and got settled in to go as late as possible. Well I guess all that activity and determination not to sleep sparked some adrenaline, because while my brother was sound asleep, I was tossing and turning and wide-awake. Finally I get the idea to go for a walk, and at least see the Finnish sunrise. Finally that tired me out, and I fell asleep for an hour, and then woke up at five in the morning! Really body? One hour of sleep? So I spent the day chugging coffee and constantly yawning while playing tour guide, and crashing that evening. Since then I have learned that my body is crazy when it comes to jet lag! What was I thinking??

The One With the Trick Fountains - one sunny day in Austria, my cousin and I were determined to do the choose your own adventure version of the Sound of Music Tour. Armed with a list of filming locations and no other information, we made our way through the city. When we finally made it to the Sound of Music Pavilion, the "I am sixteen going on seventeen" pavilion, we mistakenly believed that we have to sign up for a tour of the gardens to see the pavilion. So we happily go along thinking that we'd get some beautiful views of pretty flowers. WRONG! Instead we got water squirted at us whenever we let our guard down. From a soaking wet shirt to water up my nose, this was not what I signed up for. Feeling ambushed, we tiptoed around the gardens, scouting out for the next potential trap. Suddenly everything seemed equipped to attack us! Finally we made it to our destination, dripping wet and still confused what just happened. Laughing off our ignorance, we vowed not to warn our friends and family so that they could be as surprised as us if they one day made it to Salzburg!

The One With the Sink Shower - hostels are always a place for odd situations. And an experience in Vienna reiterated that. Everyone in the hostel dorm room was nice, and the fact that we had an adjoining bathroom for four girls was wonderful. That is until one woman decided that a shower was too much work and insisted in bathing in the sink instead. I mean, I get it; we've all washed our hair in the sink at some point or another. But in a hostel with already questionable hygiene, I don't think so! The fact that she showered in the sink didn't bother me; her life, her choices. What was the slightly frustrating part was that the entire bathroom, especially the floor, would become a slip and slide, with soap and water everywhere. It was like the splash zone at a theme park! So when it was your turn it was like a mad ice-skating dash to the shower, hoping you wouldn't fall in her dirty water! It's crazy how some people are totally fine with leaving a mess behind for others, or in this case, a safety hazard. Gross! Lucky we came out with no broken bones and still laugh to this day about the girl who showered in the sink!

The One With the Storm - I generally hate boats on open water, but this year I got more daring and took the ferry to Tallinn from Helsinki. The first trip was amazing aside from the mild seasickness, but the second trip was a whole other story. Returning from Tallinn with my friend may be the reason why I hate boats so much! As the rain was pouring down and it was pitch black outside, you had no idea there was a storm until a giant wave would crash on the boat, tossing and turning everyone inside. We were on the eighth deck and water was still spraying against the windows that high up! We walked around the boat, hoping to find a seat, wandering aimlessly, grabbing onto anything that would keep us upright. The back and forth motion made it impossible to walk. As if that wasn't bad enough, my stomach was not having it. I pride myself on not being a puker, but that night was different. I hesitantly made my way to the nearest bathroom, hoping I wouldn't spill my guts on the nice family enjoying their meal. I hoped there wasn't a line, and was blessed with one empty stall. I grabbed onto any handle as the rocking of the boat almost made me tumble into the toilet and give myself a swirly! No thank you! After ten minutes of dry heaving and ruining a few people's night with the sounds, I realized that I was still not a puker, so I made my way outside to get some fresh air. Clinging onto the railing with all the smokers, breathing in the cold polluted air, I finally found some respite, and stayed out in the wet rain for the remainder of the boat ride. Never again I said! Boats are a little too crazy for me!

The One With the Tap Water - I never understood why so many Europeans insist of drinking bottled water. That is, I never understood why until I drank the tap water in Santorini. I noticed a funny taste but I was too cheap to buy bottled water. Well the next day I caved as that night I felt like I had drank a case of Go Lightly in preparation for a colonoscopy. Boy did I get a good colon cleanse! And not that I wanted or needed one! So as I spent the night regretting my decisions, and wondering how in the hell my cousin was not feeling this pain, I decided to read which countries have potable water. Well Santorini is not one of them! Lesson learned!! 

The One With the Lost Potato - yeah, this already sounds crazy! Well on a trip to Edinburgh, Scotland, my brother and I were taking a walk near King Arthur's Seat when we stumbled upon a lone potato on the ground. In the middle of the sidewalk. Just sitting there, chillin'. Where did this potato come from? Will it be missed? Well, we quickly got our answer when we saw some people hauling sacks of potatoes on their backs up the hill. Ooh so that's how they stay so skinny here on an all potato diet; you need to workout with your potatoes so that you can eat them. That, or someone really just felt like bringing their potatoes on a walk! God bless Scotland!

The One With the All-Male Dorm - when I can, I usually pick a female only dorm room, just for safety and sometimes for hygiene purposes (sorry boys, but you're nasty sometimes!) Well in Copenhagen there are only mixed dorms, which was fine with me. And it turned out that I was the only girl in the dorm room. This one guy noticed my rare predicament, and being a fellow American, offered me his services. He vowed to protect me in case some of the guys got too rowdy. Thanks buddy, I can take care of myself, but I appreciate the offer and to not be rude I'll accept? Luckily his services weren't needed as another dorm-mate spent the entire day and night snoring on the bed, and the other one used me as a counselor or relationship advisor. The entire night he attempted to communicate in a mixture of broken English and Italian about his broken heart because his girlfriend didn't want to go with him on this trip and that he was alone and who would travel all alone? Hold up buddy! I'm here alone. I'm fine and happy. Nevertheless he talked me ear off as I tried my best in my jet-lagged state to stay awake, with Mr. Snorer occasionally interrupting his rant with loud snorts here and there. So there it was, my first all male dorm experience. And instead of parties, fart noises, and crude jokes, I witnessed emotional breakdowns and offers for help. So just like the girls dorm!!

The One With the Night Train - on one trip, we decided to take as many night trains as possible to save time and money. It was all fun and games until it was time for bed. Climbing up into the top bunk, I sadly learned that there was no bar holding you in place in case you roll out of bed. At first I didn't think this would be a problem as I planned to sleep as close to the wall as possible. Well, I forgot about momentum. It seemed like every hour, all through the night, the train would make stops so people could get on or off. With these stops came a lot of breaking. So as the train stopped, my resting body, still going with the force of momentum, would continue moving. Not great! I woke up on the ledge of the bed, feeling as if Scar was holding onto me like Mufasa over a stampede, bracing for impact and preparing for the worst. Luckily last minute I was able to cling on to avoid falling off and I spent the rest of this night in a state of semi-conscious sleep, gripping onto the wall like a cat on curtains trying not to fall! Well on the next journey, the bunks were facing a different direction, which meant that any time the train braked; you were slammed into the wall. You can't win with night trains!!

The One With the Cancelled Train - on my birthday, my mom, my aunt, and I booked a day trip to Salzburg to do the Sound of Music Tour. We were so excited, but just to be safe we booked the early morning train in advance. Well, the train was canceled, and we didn't find out until we arrived at the train station bright and early. Did I mention that it was six in the morning? Well, after wandering around trying to figure out what happened, we finally found some help and were advised to get on the next train, leaving us fifteen minutes to cross the city to our destination upon arrival. So after getting up unnecessarily early, and waiting for an extra hour, we finally made it to the tour. By why did they never notify us of the canceled train if it was scheduled? Damnit German efficiency, you failed me!

The One With the Lost Plane - this already sounds crazy! How in the hell do you lose a plane?? Well, I guess it's possible. I leaned this lesson in London Heathrow Airport, when the flight was delayed by two hours because someone parked the plane somewhere where they couldn't remember to find it! At first the people at the gate were being discrete, but finally one had enough and threw her company under the bus by explaining the situation. Let me just take a moment and ponder how does this happen! It's a plane! Huge! Makes you feel super safe flying if they happen to loose track of it. Crazy!!

The One With the Tip Harassment - on the way back from Naples I warned my cousin against scams where people offer you help then tell you that you owe them money. So when I had a question at the train station, I made sure to ask a man in uniform, that way I knew there wouldn't be a scam. I asked him where the train to Rome was, and he ran as fast as he could and even found our seat for us on the train. Because he did more than just help, I knew that I should tip him. Well apparently he wanted more money and was yelling at us to give him more money. I guess he thought he could intimidate me or something. Well, I knew the train was leaving in two minutes and that he would have to get off. I kept telling him no, that's all that he gets, that no I didn't ask him to run, that no my cousin will not give you more money, that she doesn't understand (luckily she put her best I don't know what's going on face) and that no I will not give him more. Finally after what felt like hours he gave up, and after making a scene I began to doubt myself, did I give him enough? But then I saw some Italians in a seat nearby give me a smile and said I did a good job. Relief! I think it's crazy that even the staff would try to scam you, or bully you into getting what they want!

The One With the Barely Legal Flirtation - crazy things always seem to happen with my cousin. On a trip to Lake Tahoe, we were grabbing dinner at this sketchy gas station pasta place when these guys in their forties decided to make small talk. We hesitantly participated, and then immediately regretted it as they invite us to their place for a party, ask us where we're staying, and if we wanted to hang out. Then logic strikes one of them: he asks if we're over eighteen, stating that "we don't want to be flirting with someone that's illegal!" Ewww old man! No thank you! We replied we weren't interested, lied about our ages, even though we were well above eighteen, and got the hell out of there. I still look back and laugh. One guy kept scratching his belly button and the other was wearing a visor upside down. They had midlife crisis and man-child written all over them. If you're in you're forties and you question whether the girl you're flirting with is legal or not, you may want to reevaluate your life choices. But the bright side is that they didn't want to break the rules at least, I think, right?

The Ones Where I Look Like Someone - ok why does this keep happening to me in Finland?? The first time was during my first visit to Helsinki. I was eating something really good at the Christmas market, minding my own business when this guy invites me to sit next to him. He had to have been twenty years older than me so I said no, so he came over, not getting the hint. He asked if I was from St. Petersburg since apparently I look like "a nice Russian girl" and then explains that he is from Yugoslavia. But that's not a country anymore, so already I'm not too sure. Well he invites me to his apartment in Helsinki, when I say no he says he'll take me to St. Petersburg, and I still say no, but this time hurry back to my hotel. The second time was on a tram, and some guys tell me I look Arabic. I guess my eyeliner game was strong that day because there is no way I look Arabic. He tells me he wants my number and for us to hang out and then proceeds to follow me off the tram. Luckily I live near the police and that scared him away. But seriously, what is up with these men? Is saying that I look like someone else a compliment? Thanks but I don't want to be compared to ideal beauty standards. And do these lines really work for you?? Ugh!

The One With the Car Flirtation - continuing with my list of men creeping me the heck out, this one happened in Sofia. After getting stares, kissing faces, and plenty of glances at my chest and derrière, I decided to get out of the city center for the day, hoping that less people would mean less catcalling. That was true, until one guy rolled down his window, stopped his car, and offered to take me wherever I wanted to go, with a dirty wink and smirk. I gave him my best bitch face and continued on my way, trying to discretely check back if he was following me. The bright side is that not once did these men touch me. The downside is that I felt completely dehumanized at all times thanks to their remarks. I clearly wasn't an equal, or even a person; I was a conquest to some of these men who found their behavior appropriate. But maybe I'm the crazy one for not letting their words stop me from traveling and still enjoying the city.

The One With the Cow and the Train - in France, there's cows. And sadly, sometimes those cows wander onto the train track, wreaking havoc and disrupting a lot of people. Well, one day in Normandy, I was waiting for a train when the train conductor announced that the next train would be late because there was an accident on the line: a train hit a cow. It was ok D-Day so plenty of Americans were present and confused. Why is the train late? As the only bilingual around, I became the unofficial translator, explaining that cows sometimes wander onto train tracks. That no, they don't really know what a train is, and that no, the cow didn't do this ok purpose. Sure it was frustrating to be six hours late, but I was glad that I wasn't in the first train that hit the cow, or that I was the cow! But the endless questions and the reactions of the French people kept me entertained. My first D-Day was a crazy one!

The One With the Socks - I've told this story before but this creeper is worth mentioning again! On a night train in Central Europe, my friend and I were chatting with fellow Americans when all of a sudden the guy starts yelling "I'm in my socks! How cool is this! I'm on a train and I'm in my socks! The outside world doesn't know that I'm in my socks. How cool is that? Look there's construction out there, but I'm in my socks. There could be a serial killer out there and I'm here in my socks!" Hold up. Did he just bring up serial killers?? What is going on in his mind to go from socks to serial killer? How does someone make that connection? My friend and I decided that he could be one light bulb short of a serial killer so we barricaded ourselves in our room and refused to use the bathroom until we had arrived. Luckily we could hear him snoring the entire night. This could have easily been our scariest and craziest train experience.

The one with the Sound of Music Reenactment - why does it always happen at the Sound of Music Pavilion? On my birthday trip with my mom and my aunt, my mom really needed a picture of me reenacting the "I am sixteen going on seventeen" dance, but instead I was singing “I am twenty-five going on twenty-six” since it was my birthday. Then to make things even more true to the movie, she wanted me to pose with a man. So she proceeded to yell out "I need a man! My daughter needs a man! A cute man!" One brave young man volunteers as tribute and what happens next is the most awkward photo of us barely holding hands with awkward smiles! That's a birthday to remember. And while it may have been embarrassing at the time, we both look back and laugh. Leave it to my crazy mother to brighten everyone's day!

The One With the Sewer Tour - so when I moved to France, my French wasn't the best. I was determined to find the catacombs but instead I found something much worse: the sewers. Having already paid the entrance fee (yeah you gotta pay to stare at people's shit floating down stream), I decided to make the most of a shitty decision (pun intended). Luckily other Americans were along for the ride and started a sing-along of Les Miserables. Between people singing "look down, look down" to "do you hear the people sing" I was in quite a fit of hysterics! Everyone was singling along, laughing at the fact that we all made the mistake of visiting the sewers and making the most of it. So yeah it was embarrassing that I made this mistake, but I learned my lesson and surprisingly had a great time thanks to a dad making dad jokes and inspiring a whole group of people to participate in his song and dance!

The One With the Heat Wave - this is embarrassing because this is what broke me. I am usually so good when it comes to homesickness. I can endure all the holidays, long periods away, and months of winter with no light. But apparently a heat wave is what would cause me to become unbearably homesick and uncontrollably emotional. It was over 100 degrees in Paris, but with the humidity and the fact that Paris just traps heat without letting any airflow in, it felt like it was an oven. To make matters worse, I lived above a kitchen, so at night when it cooled down to 90 degrees, it was still 100 in my apartment. Four back-to-back days of this hell made me emotional and ready to leave the country. I called my mom crying like a baby, miserable that I couldn't sleep at night. Yeah, apparently crazy heat waves in Paris know how to put me right in my place as an embarrassing, sweaty, blubbery mess.

The One With the Conductor - seriously what is it with trains? On the same trip with crazy socks guy, there was another incident. While waiting to board our night train, we noticed our conductor waking up from his nap. We saw him get up thanks to this invention called a window. He must have forgotten that windows are transparent because the then proceeded to wander around the train naked! Yep, you heard me, naked! To make things more odd, he did consider to pull down some blinds, but only one set, not the entire row, so as he moved around, we could still see him in all his glory. It wasn't until last minute that he finally put on some clothes, opened the doors, and let us in. Seriously what just happened?? I'm still dumbfounded. But I guess if you're comfortable with yourself buddy and you were on your work break, I can't judge too harshly. To each their own?

Like I've said, I've been incredibly lucky that these crazy stories are not too crazy. Some were funny, though not always in the moment. Some got the heart rate going, but I always made it out ok. And some were downright gross. But looking back now, I can't help but laugh and remember how incredibly lucky I am to have been able to have these experiences and many more!