Tales from my Internship


Children Say the Best Things

Ok so I know that this blog is supposed to be all about traveling, but in honor of my stage being over, I just had to share a few stories of my experiences with these multi-national kids. Spending time with kids will always give you some reason to laugh, but spending time with kids that can have a conversation in at least two different languages seems to make the laughs that much better. Between the accidental mispronunciations to all the time spent in the toilets, these kids have given me comic relief on a daily basis. So without fourth ado, here are the funniest things the kids have said or done.
WARNING: this post contains bad words (all on accident of course) and lots of potty humor.

The Best Compliments are the Weirdest

Kids give the best compliments because they're so out of nowhere. One second they're refusing to do their spelling words, the next they're telling you that your hair looks like Rapunzel hair. That's right, apparently my hair is so long "that a prince could crawl up it!" Or that my freckles are so beautiful that they could play connect the dots. Thanks kids!

Accents From All Over the World

All the kids at the school have a parent that is not French. So most of them come from somewhere that isn't France. And lets just say that meeting the new students always made my day. One girl introduced herself with the most posh London accent I've ever heard. Did I mention that she's four. When I asked where she's from, in the smoothest, poshest voice, she said "I'm from London" and with a flip of her hair and a twirl, I knew this girl was classy. Later in the year another girl transferred and she instantly became my favorite. With her southern twang, she explained that she was from North Carolina and that last summer she went to Florida and saw some "gaters." In a school where most people never heard a southern accent, this girl instantly became a favorite.

English Words, French Accent

When you only speak French, saying English words are really hard, especially when they already pronounce French words incorrectly. So be prepared of all the mistakes that include quite a few bad words. When fighting I told a little boy to be nice, and when he repeated the words, they came out as "penis." I spent all afternoon trying to fix that one before mom and dad found out. Another afternoon, while reading, I taught the little boy the word for book, and with a proud smile on his face, he repeated the word and it came out as "fuck!" So another afternoon was spend sounding out the "b" before mom and dad found out.

In France and already got my teacher face

Buttons are a Bitch

While having the little boy take off his button up shirt for a shower, he was having a tough time with the buttons. After much frustrations, he said "j'en ai marre de ces petits putains!" You should know that he has a hard time saying buttons in French, so instead of saying "I'm sick of these little buttons," he said "I'm sick of these little whores!" Well kid, your sentence made sense, but I think we should work on not accidentally calling the buttons whores, they might get offended.

The Caca Boudin Phase

I know its part of a child's development to go through phases. And one of them is the poop phase. Well in France its caca boudin, caca meaning poo-poo, boudin being a type of sausage. Literally, the poop sausage phase. Here's what conversations look like during this phase: "what do you want for dinner?" "caca boudin!" "what's your name?" "caca boudin!" "you're supposed to speak English!" "poop sausage!" "stop saying caca boudin on the bus, its not polite!" "poop sausage!" But for one of the three year olds, saying poop sausage is hard, so it comes out as "boom kaw-keg." The parents can't be upset though, since it is in English, right?

Fitting a Fist in Their Mouth

As smart as children may be, they're also stupid. One child wanted to show his teacher and I his cool new trick. We should have said no, but he's three and we didn't need to crush his spirits just yet. He proceeded to shove his entire fist in his mouth to show how big his mouth is. When it came time to taking it out, the kid panicked and stretched out his had, getting it stuck in his mouth. The teacher and I panicked trying to figure out how to get unstuck. Eventually after attempting to calm him down, we got his hand unstuck from his mouth. And that was the last day I spent in that class, avoiding that child and his cool new tricks!

Saving Sausages for Later

Changing schools is hard. You don't know the routine and you never know when you're going to be allowed to eat you next sausage. One day, while helping a girl take of her boots before circle time, I realized her shoes smelled awful. Feet should never smell that bad. As I took her foot out of the foul smelling shoe, I found a sausage in there. A whole, cooked sausage that was slightly crushed from spending the morning in her shoe! I asked the girl why there was a sausage in her shoe and she explained that she put in there after dinner last night in case there weren't sausages for lunch at school. Girl, I'm with you on the love for sausages, but never put them in your shoe! No amount of training in Credential School can prepare you for this moment.

Snot: The Fountain of Youth

Children are disgusting. They pick their noses, they don't wash their hands, and they have the worst runny noses. One child, who would have been my favorite in the baby class if it wasn't for his nose, had the never ending fountain of snot dripping from his nose. It should be illegal the amount that consistently came out of that nose. I will stop there with the detail as I am gagging just thinking about that nastiness. And of course he took a liking to me, so every time in the baby class, guess who got to wipe his nose? This was reason number one why I avoided the baby class. 

Thanks papa for taking such a flattering photo, but a great
prelude into all the potty humor about to happen

Toilet Brushes as Weapons

Every class has that one kid, that one terror of a child that even the teacher is afraid of. Well this terror was known for hitting people and the worst tantrums ever. And one afternoon, after not getting his way, he ran into the bathroom, pulled out a toilet brush, and proceeded to throw it at everyone. The entire hallway was forced to dodge the toilet brush, splashing water in its path, and a very angry three year old, kicking his way along the hallway. That day was just as scary as the day I almost got lice.

Toilet Brushes Make Good Snacks

When you're two, the potty is a magical place. Whenever we couldn't find a two year old, they were most likely playing in the potty. One little girl loved it so much, that she decided to brush her teeth with the toilet brush! You know, for fresh smelling breath. And that's reason number 365 why I don't volunteer in the baby class.

Watching Their Friends Poop

Like I said, the potty is a magical place. So when the preprimary children were avoiding their class, they were in the gender neutral bathroom, watching their friends do their business. The boys were curious about how the girls went pee-pee and the girls were curious about the boys. But what was the most interesting was watching their friends poop? They would walk in, open the stall doors, sit down, and watch their friends. Why was this so interesting to them? Were they getting ideas, taking pointers, getting advice? And their goal was to see everyone poop, I guess to compare or something. Clearly three year olds don't know about privacy in the potty. Herding these children away from the toilets was like herding cats.

Supporting Their Friends While the Poop

And the grandaddy of them all was the little get togethers when someone was having a tough day. On more than one occasion, when someone's tummy was hurting them, I would find multiple children in the bathroom with one one on the potty, all holding hands. They would explain that they were helping the sick one. WHAT? I am amazed at how supportive they are of their friends, truly, their love has no limits. But standing in a circle around someone pooping looked like they were having a seance in the bathroom, which of course made me think of Robbin Williams talking about constipation feeling like you need an exorcism for the demon turd. "The power of fiber compels you!" I think maybe that's what they were doing in the bathroom, holding an exorcism to help their friends. Oh children, your love is inspiring!

PS Finding photos for this post was hard! I mean I can't put something as beautiful as the Brandenburg Gate next to all the caca boudin jokes! So young Mimi it is!

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