Funniest Travel Moments


Getting a Laugh from my Adventures

The more you travel, the more you experience things in the world. The more you travel solo, especially as an introvert, the more observant you are. And I've witness and experienced quite a few things. Of course it's those awkward or weird moments that stick with you. So here are some of the funniest things that I've seen while traveling. 

The Starbucks Lines

The German stereotype is efficiency, and every time I go into a Starbucks in Germany, they just prove that stereotype to be correct. First off let me preface this with Germany is the only country that I regularly go to Starbucks because they have the best double chocolate muffin (it tastes like a cheesecake). In Berlin I went and got tea and a muffin, stepped out of line once I payed to let people pass, and received plenty of awkward looks. Did I say something wrong? I didn't get it. Then in Munich I did the same thing, only this time I realized that it was because I stepped out of line and it threw everyone off. Apparently once you pay you just move along in the line, like an assembly line. And the poor Germans, I threw off their efficient system causing them to go into a panic. I guess German efficiency applies to coffee too.

The Torture Chambers

Deep under the Budapest train station are public bathrooms in which you shouldn't wander into. Instead save it for the bumpy ride on the train. It's better to fall off the potty like I did in the train than go into these bathrooms. First you have the pay the equivalent of two cents, no big deal, right? Wrong! It should be a waning for the quality of bathroom you're about to experience. Usually you pay fifty cents for an already dirty bathroom. Handing the money over to a man, who looked very drunk, and who had the dirtiest, greasiest hands I've ever seen should have been warning number two. But the grand finale of the story of a sketchy bathroom was the bathroom stalls themselves. I the fact that there wasn't any toilet paper wasn't what scared me. It was the fact they each stall was a cement hole in the wall with the oldest toilets ever. Then the giant metal door closes you in and you think you're in a prison cell. They looked like the torture cells on Andrassy street, which was enough to scare the pee out of me. That was the sketchiest bathrooms that I've ever been in. And what do I do? I laugh my head off of course!

Straight outta Compton but the forgot their cardboard
I guess a piece of checkered plastic is enough

The Break Dancers

Did you know that polish break dancers are straight outta Compton? Because I didn't! While visiting Krakow we were able to watch some Polish people break dance in the main square and what was the song that they chose to break dance to? Well they started off with TWA's "Straight Outta Compton" earning a huge laugh from my friend and I. I didn't realize that Krakow and Compton were within the same circle. I mean Krakow is a cute little medieval town, is Compton like that? I'm guessing not. They then followed up with some sort of polka music and then European disco music. Clearly they have their sound and style down.

The Complainer Champion

It's no secret that French people are known for complaining. I mean they go on strike all the time, and no matter how nice something is, they manage to find something to complain about. Well I've met the complainer of all complainers. On a flight to Prague, I watched a man who legitimately did not let one nice thing come out of his mouth. He complained about the publicity in the airport, saying that it was horrible to look at because it was so poorly done (it wasn't). He then complained about how certain people dressed, including how one woman did her hair in a bun, saying that it was the worst bun he'd ever seen (it was adorable). He then complained about the system of boarding people on the plane. He then complained about the seats on the plane and the look of the plane. He then complained how Prague is an awful city and how visiting it is going to be awful. Then why are you visiting it?!?! If you hate everything so much, then why are you going?! You, sir, are the worst complainer I've ever met. I'd give you a medal but I'm sure that you'd complain about that too. I would say thank God for headphones but I was so dumbfounded that I had to keep listening. Like a train wreck, I couldn't look away.

Is a city known for its sex and drugs really family friendly
when you're kid is going through the questions phase? 

The Sex Talk

On my trip to Amsterdam, I saw quite a few things. Most of those things invoked canals, art, sex, and drugs. I couldn't exactly walk around anywhere without running into it. But at least I'm a grown adult, therefore I'm not totally scared for life. To each their own. Or at least that's until you're walking down the street with your kid when you pass a sex shop and the kid asks why there's funny halloween costumes and weird toys inside. The parents then had to explain to their very curious child that it's a toy store for grown ups and sometimes people like to dress up and play with "different" toys. And me being the twisted person that I am was trying my best not to laugh at the awkward situation that this family got thrown into while trying to have a nice family vacation. But I'll just say that that's is one sex talk that I don't want to have with my kids one day. 

The Eiffel Tower Mood Setting

The Eiffel Tower is a beautiful monument, and it just gets more beautiful at night when it is fully lit up. People from all over the world flock to see the Eiffel Tower sparkle at night, and since I am completely under its charm and live a twenty minute walk away, the twinkling Eiffel Tower is a frequent visit. But the absolute best would have to be the time there was a band preforming at the Eiffel Tower. Not only were they singing in English and weren't singing words but sounds that they thought were words, they were singing "Sweet Home Alabama" because that just screams Paris romantic, doesn't it? I don't know what was funnier, the awful rendition of the song or the fact that they chose this particular song to play at the Eiffel Tower. But the absolute cherry on the cake was the drunk American screaming "play Free Bird...Free Bird!" You, good sir, I salute you.

So beautiful that it just calls for a rendition
of Sweet Home Alabama

The Political Correctness

Leave it to France to not understand what political correctness is. On a flight from Nuremberg back to Paris, we were delayed a bit because there was a group of people in the wheelchairs that had to be loaded into the plane one by one. And since there was no ramp, a special truck had to lift them up into the plane. The French pilot then took it upon himself to apologize for the delay and explain why. First he started off by blaming it on the Germans for not going fast enough. Then he singled out all ten people with wheelchairs as the reason why. Way to go French pilot, way to hop on the discrimination train and not only blame people because of their nationality but single people out for their ability. And I know I shouldn't laugh because it's a serious problem in France, but when people ask if there's a discrimination problem, this is a great example.

The Serial Killer

Oh crazy American, you made my first night train both amusing and terrifying. The man was traveling with his wife or sister or friend. His relation to her remains unknown. What we did know was that we was super excited to be on a train. So excited that he took his shoes off and was walking around in his socks. And as we sat and watched the sights of Budapest disappear into the night, we listened to his dialogue with the woman. The man was so excited to take of his shoes shouting "I'm on a train and I don't have my shoes on! I'm on a train and I'm in my socks. It's so cool! I'm in my socks on a train!" Outside of town the train proceeded to stop at a station that was under construction. If what he was saying wasn't weird enough, it got weirder. "I'm in my socks and I'm in a construction zone. This kind of stuff doesn't happen! There's rebar out there and I'm in my socks. There could be a serial killer out there and I'm in my socks!" Let's pause there. Why are we thinking about serial killers? We went from being on a train in your socks to running away from serial killers in your socks, that escalated quickly! And after that a red flag was raised and we closed out door and locked every bolt we could find as we heard him finish with "take a picture of me in my socks." Leave it to the Americans to be the weirdest!

Apparently I have a bad case of the "Resting Bitch Face"
I don't know why, I was perfectly happy reading the
map of Vienna

The Naked Conductor

Has it ever been so hot at work that you just wanted to show up naked? Let's just say that the night train in general was quite an odd experience. Waiting patiently for our train doors to open in the blistering heat, we caught a glimpse of our conductor waking up from his nap with all the windows open. At first we thought that he was just shirtless, but as we approached the window we saw that he was pantsless as well. He then proceeded to pull down a sheet curtain, which we could see through, but only over one of the windows. Then, while in his boxer brief underwear, he then made the beds and handed out the supplies to each cabin. Finally right before opening the doors did he put on his uniform. I understand that it was hot out and that he just woke up from his nap, but in no situation is walking around in your underwear at work normal. And that's the story of we saw our conductor naked in Hungary.

The Rubbing Alcohol

The trip to Poland with my mom was great except for the fact that I was super sick and I made her walk so much she got blisters. She decided that we had to go to a pharmacy to get cough drops for me and rubbing alcohol for her. Thankfully the woman working there spoke English but when we asked for the rubbing alcohol she was hesitant and have us strict instructions not to drink it. After my mom assured her that we don't plan on doing shots with the alcohol and plan on putting on her feet, the pharmacist replied with "well you know, this is Poland." What?! Is that a thing here? Getting drunk off of rubbing alcohol? And with that mindset we set off to explore Warsaw!

Remember that time our hotel was also a night club
surrounded by sexy shops?
Thanks to Krakow I've learned the further east you go
the more interesting the travels get

The Sexy Shops

I have a gift, not that I plan on using it, but it's gift nonetheless. It seems that everywhere I go, especially in central and Eastern Europe, I manage to find sexy shops. But not just one sexy shop, oh no, I'm talking about rows and rows of them. In Poland with a friend we stayed right next door to a few sex shops and strip clubs, or were they called gentlemen's clubs? Of course we got a laugh at our close proximity should we need any entertainment in the evening, though I was worse than a grandma and passed out a nine. But my favorite was the mother daughter bonding experience that I had in Warsaw as we stumbled upon twenty shops all out once. Nothing says a mother daughter trip while walking past dozens of see through outfits and phallic objects in the freezing cold!  

The Wild Wild West

You know the awful Will Smith movie with the song lyrics of the same title called Wild Wild West? I already didn't like the movie, now I hate the song thanks to a strip club in Munich. In an effort to save money, I stayed in the cheap area. Guess why it was so cheap. Let's just say every night I got to hear the song Wild Wild West on repeat as I was staying on the same block as the Wild Wild West strip club. Great! I've learned my lesson, don't stay in the cheap area of Munich unless I would like to see some interesting dance moves.

Another case of the Resting Bitch Face
I was really excited for me tea in Vienna!

The Flight Improvement

Italy is known for it's food, its history, and its inconvenient lunch breaks. And it hasn't failed me yet. Once again my flight was delayed and the man at the gate was clueless. And every thirty minutes he would announce that "the delay has improved." I'm sorry sir but I believe you don't understand the word improve because adding thirty minutes to a delay is not an improvement. And instead of giving us information, he would shrug his shoulders and say soon. Great! Then, not failing his country's stereotype, he went on lunch break leaving us all to wait for him to return for an update. After his one hour lunch break, all the French people in the room swarmed him, almost staging a strike to get information. Apparently our plane was ready, the guy just forgot to pass that information along before going on his lunch break. Fantastic! A three hour delay because of the importance of lunch in Italy. But thank you Italian man for trying to assure us by announcing the improvements of our delay.

The Lady Beer

As a feminist, I was offended, but then I realized lady beer was really good. In Vienna, a friend and I wanted to order a beer. We wanted the beer that was on tap since it was Austrian beer and we wanted to try Austrian beer. The lady looked at us and said "no no no no no, you like lady beer, much better." Excuse me but I think I can handle man beer but I'll be polite and try this lady beer. Oh wait, it's actually really good. I think I like lady beer. Point for you, Austrian lady, point for you.

The Ghetto

I have to say, my mother has a lot of patience when it comes to me. She indulges me in my depressing museums and takes me to some not so hot spot destinations. And our trip to Warsaw was one for the books. Aside from me being sick and freezing my butt off, we decided to walk around the city and find as many Holocaust memorials as possible. That led us the the ghetto, which is still the ghetto today, by the way. The area was still sketchy and still run down. And here we were wandering around trying to find a fragment of the ghetto wall. It's enclosed by a chain link fence by the way. We didn't know that. Running into a nice Polish woman, she advised us that it was "no good here, much better over there, more interesting." I think she was telling us to get out dumb asses out of the ghetto and into the main part of town where it wouldn't be as sketchy. And that's when I realized that my mom has just as crazy of ideas as me!

How one looses a plane will be a mystery to me, like

The Lost Plane

You know the fastest way to test my patience? It's incompetency. Things breaking down or accidents, that I can deal with, but a flight being delayed because people are incompetent idiots is what drives me crazy. On a flight from London to Paris, that patience was tested. Our flight was delayed two hours and finally the woman at the desk got fed up with her colleges and ratted them out, announcing that they forgot where they parked the plane. Um excuse me, how do you forget where you parked a plane? It's huge. And once they're on the ground they don't disappear that easily. Finally after bussing us all over the airport, feeling like we were playing a game of Where's Waldo, we could finally board the plane and head back to France. Really, I was truly amazed at how that happened. I won't complain about delayed if the plane is broken, I won't chance that, I'll wait, but losing a plane all together really is a whole new level of incompetency. I'm still not sure that this is funny to me, but people keep laughing when I tell the story. I guess the world just continues to amaze me.

After writing these I'm starting think that they sound more like horror stories than funny travel memories. But I guess that's what makes them so funny to me, no matter how out of the blue or scary I still find a way to laugh about them. And I think that's the key to enjoying your travels. 

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